Well, readers, it’s happened. All year we’ve been diving into what our marital vows really mean and how to live them out… and now it’s the end of the year and I’ve just about run out of vows over here. We talked about the “Four F’s”” loving Freely, Fully, Faithfully, and Fruitfully. We learned about loving “for better or for worse,” “for richer or for poorer,” “in sickness and in health.” And that’s all of them, isn’t it?

The Catholic marital vows end with one line that goes with all seven of the vows I’ve just mentioned. “Until death do us part.” It’s not exactly a vow in and of itself, but I’m just going to go ahead and pretend like it is anyway. I feel like it could use some explanation of its own, and it also wraps everything up nicely here.

So here goes: four ways to love your spouse “until death do you part.”

1. Live in the moment…

Together with your spouse, enjoy each phase of life as they come. Currently, Chris and I are raising young children. This phase of life can be exhausting and frustrating, and there are definitely days I wish my kids were older so I could sleep through the night or take them on cool family trips. But then again, I know we will miss the sweet baby snuggles (even at 3 AM) and funny toddler moments so much. 

Try to enjoy the phase you’re in now, knowing this too shall pass.

2. But also, keep the endgame in mind.

“Memento mori” means “remember you must die.” It has become a fairly popular phrase among Christians. While the idea may seem a little dark or morbid to outsiders, Christians know that death is not the end but instead the beginning of eternal life with God. If we live for Christ, death is not something to fear but to welcome!

So let’s keep that endgame in mind. Are you living like you will one day die and face judgment? Is your spouse? We could all use a little reminder to “memento mori” now and then.

“Death lends urgency to our lives: remembering our mortality helps us realize that we have only a limited time in which to bring our lives to fulfillment.”

CCC 1007

3. Care for your spouse as they age.

Chris and I are still young, but I hear that caring for your aging spouse is one of the most beautiful and challenging parts of being married. It’s easy for me to “care for” my 30 year old, able-bodied husband, but 40, 50, 60 years from now? That’s when the rubber meets the road. That’s when I can really show Chris what I meant when I promised him I would love him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, ‘til death do us part.

4. Pray for your spouse at all stages of (eternal!) life.

It is your amazing and heavy responsibility to help get your spouse to heaven. Prayer is a huge part of that! So of course, while you are both alive, pray for your spouse every day.

As Catholic Christians, we believe that death does not break up the Church, the Mystical Body of Christ. Those who have died and are in Purgatory being prepared for heaven need our prayers (we call them the Church Suffering), and those who are in heaven (the Church Triumphant) offer their prayers for us here on earth (the Church Militant). So keep praying for your spouse when they have passed on from this life- and know they are praying for you, too!

Hope this helped clarify the last little bit of our marital vows through the eyes of the Church! PS- St. Joseph is the patron saint of a happy death. So pray to him with a prayer such as this one, too. And look for a post on him and Mama Mary at the end of the month… because who else could be our married Holy Role-Models for December but the Holy Family?

References:

Roman Catholic Church. The Catechism of the Catholic Church. 3rd ed. New York: Image, 1995.

United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan. Washington, DC: USCCB Publishing, 2009.