Hey there, readers! It’s time for our June post on Church teaching, and we are talking about loving faithfully. In preparation, I’ve sung that Journey song in my head about 48,739 times… “Highway run, into the midnight sun…” Loving faithfully is our third marital vow, after loving freely and loving fully (check those out if you haven’t already). So, what does it mean to love faithfully?

In modern society, being “faithful” to your spouse just means avoiding extramarital affairs.  And, of course, faithful marriages are exclusive and unique relationships.  But this is a pretty low bar to set, isn’t it?  Just don’t cheat on your spouse, and you’re good to go with your vow to love faithfully?  I think we can look a little deeper and find some other ways to live out this important vow better each day. In studying the marriages of some of our Holy Role-Models, I have found a couple of other ways to show faithful love.  Read on!

1. Prioritize your spouse

First, faithful love prioritizes the beloved.  My husband knows I love him faithfully when I put down my phone and really listen to him.  I feel loved faithfully by him when he pushes through his schoolwork during the day to be sure we will be able to spend the evening together.

2. Protect the intimacy of your marriage

Second, faithful love seeks to protect and preserve intimacy with the beloved.  The beautiful, unique intimacy between spouses can be wounded or even broken by conflict and outside forces.  To protect it, we must be completely honest with our spouses, sharing our thoughts and feelings with them and listening to theirs in turn.  We must also try to let small things go, discuss larger conflicts peacefully, and make compromises when possible. 

When I inevitably fail to do one or more of these things and my marital intimacy is wounded, apologizing to my husband or forgiving him when he apologizes can help restore that intimacy.  Apologizing and forgiving shows a desire for reconciliation over division; for restoring marital intimacy over protecting our own pride.  It’s the same in our relationship with Christ, by the way… and that’s where Confession comes in!

3. Commit to the covenant

Finally, faithful love is committed to the covenant even when the beloved is not, and even if feelings change.  Our covenant specifies that this is not “as long as we both shall love,” but “as long as we both shall live.”  Furthermore, mature love is not a feeling at all… it is a choice, or rather it is a thousand little choices each day, to seek the good of the beloved.  It’s easy to feel love towards Chris when he brings home a bouquet of flowers!  I don’t, however, feel quite so lovey-dovey towards him when he leaves his socks on the floor for the thousandth time.  Still, I can choose to love him in that moment anyway by picking up the socks and offering up this minor annoyance to God.

Semper fidelis

We are a Coast Guard family, so we live by the Coastie motto “Semper paratus”- always ready. But the motto of the Marine Corps, semper fidelis (or semper fi for short) is more applicable here. Always faithful. Always loyal.

TV shows and movies often shrug off or even celebrate marital infidelity.  But this is not what we are made for.  As Bobby and Jackie Angel put it in their devotional for married Catholics, ‘Forever,’ “We all ache for faithful love because we were made in the image of God, who is faithful.”  Thankfully, the fidelity we yearn for is real and possible through Christ, who “Himself gives the strength and grace” to live it out in the marital Sacrament (CCC 1615).  The next time you have doubts about lifelong, faithful married love, I suggest you skip the media entirely and instead pray for God to reveal the strength and grace He bestowed on you and your spouse at your wedding.  

We all ache for faithful love because we were made in the image of God, who is faithful.

Jackie and bobby angel, ‘Forever’

Faithful love takes trust: trust in your own resolve, trust that your spouse will not betray you as others may have in your past, and most of all trust in God’s grace abundantly gifted to both of you in the Sacrament of Matrimony. (PS- for more info on the sacramental grace involved in Marriage, check out this throwback post)

References:

Angel, Jackie F., and Bobby Angel. Forever: A Catholic Devotional for Your Marriage. Boston: Pauline Books and Media, 2017, p. 70.
Roman Catholic Church. The Catechism of the Catholic Church. 3rd ed. New York: Image, 1995.