Hi, readers! It’s the second Sunday of the month, which means we are going to be diving into one of the marital vows in the Catholic Church. What does it mean to love your husband or wife “for richer or for poorer”? How can we live that vow out today and every day, even if we are in a season of financial stability or prosperity?
Money issues can affect every relationship: maybe you feel awkward when your in-laws give generous financial gifts, or you feel guilty when you invite a friend to dinner and the meal is more expensive than they expected/ budgeted for. In marriage, our most intimate relationship, these problems can be magnified. In fact, more than a fifth of divorcees cite financial issues as a key reason for seeking divorce.
So, even if you are doing fine right now, you and your spouse need to stay on the same page about finances so you can head off conflicts and deal with them together peacefully when they do occur. Here are a few quick ways to love “for richer or for poorer” in your marriage!
1. Be on the same team.
When you got married, you and your spouse became a team. You are no longer two separate people with your own separate income, bills, debt, or savings. When I married Chris, his income became our income. My debt became our debt. Playing the blame game (“You spend too much on shoes!”) pits you against one another and breaks up the team.
It’s ok to have whatever emotions you have about your spouse’s financial habits- emotions are never morally right or wrong. But the way you express these emotions can be good or bad. Express your emotions in a way that lets your spouse know that no matter how frustrated or worried you are about your finances, you’re going to stick by them- you’re not quitting the team.
2. Budget and communicate.
Different couples have different systems of budgeting. Some people keep separate envelopes for different expenses. Some use an Excel spreadsheet and carefully record every penny they make or spend. Some are able to get by nicely with just looking over accounts together every few weeks and talking through what is going well and what might need to be adjusted.
The important thing is that you are on the same page and communicating consistently about your finances. Neither spouse should ever feel that they are left out of financial decisions or in the dark about where the family stands financially- even if that spouse is not generating any income.
3. Give to the less fortunate.
The Church has a beautiful tradition of tithing, meaning that a family would give 10% of their income to those in need. Maybe you are already doing this; maybe 10% is more than you can give right now. In any case, really try to get some charitable giving into your budget. Even the smallest gift will benefit your faith, your marriage, and the world. And as your financial situation changes in different seasons of life, reevaluate your giving through prayerful discernment and discussion with your spouse.
4. Look to the saints.
There are some awesome holy role-models that can serve as examples of living out this vow. Just recently, I posted about Bl. Karl I of Austria and his wife, the Servant of God Zita, who went from being literal royalty to destitute exiles… and didn’t skip a beat in loving and serving God through it all. Sts. Henry I and Cunegunda were also rich royalty who gave to the poor and the Church throughout their lives, and left everything to the Church when they passed away without an heir.
Other non-married Saints that come to mind are St. Francis of Assisi, who renounced all riches to marry “his lady, Poverty,” and the beloved Mother Theresa of Calcutta, who worked as the servant of the absolute poorest of the poor. Jesus Himself was born to a humble family in a dirty manger, and He was literally Love incarnate. No matter how dire our financial standing here on earth, we can (and must) love with all we’ve got… and we will thereby store up riches in Heaven.
Have a great week, readers! And don’t forget to keep telling your spouse you are grateful for them each day in November!
