Last month we discussed our vow to love our spouse fruitfully. Before we move on to another vow, I wanted to pause and go a little more in depth about a big part of that vow: Natural Family Planning, or NFP. I am also excited to feature some guest content from other couples who practice NFP, as well as a certified instructor and a fertility care professional!
What is NFP?
Here is a good working definition of NFP from instructor Mikayla Dalton of Fig Leaf Fertility.
“NFP is the virtuous application of fertility charting for family planning to achieve or avoid pregnancy, based on the recording of a woman’s biomarkers through her cycle and identifying potentially fertile and infertile days.”
Mikayla Dalton, Boston Cross-Check NFP instructor
Basically, NFP couples observe and chart the natural signs of a woman’s fertility (cervical mucus, basal body temperature, hormone levels…). Then, they use that information to decide whether to have sex that day or not depending on whether they want to conceive or avoid conception for the time being.
But… why not just pop a Pill?
Sex is ordered towards two very good ends: the increased unity of a married couple, and the creation of new life. The Church teaches that deliberately thwarting either of these is a violation of the natural law and therefore intrinsically evil. (Note: You can read a little more about the biblical and historic Christian roots of this teaching here, or if you have a little more time, I highly recommend you jump in and read the whole papal encyclical Humanae Vitae. It’s seriously SO beautiful, y’all.)
This means using condoms, the Pill, an IUD etc. as contraception is not morally acceptable for Catholics. While NFP can be used to help a couple avoid conception for the time being, it is NOT contraception because there is nothing working against (contra) conception during any sexual act. NFP allows Catholic couples to balance openness to life/ fruitful love with responsible parenthood.
The best parts of NFP
In my experience, most couples choose NFP mainly to stay faithful to Church teaching and/ or to avoid the chemicals and side effects of contraception. “I really appreciate that it is a completely natural method that doesn’t require me to alter my body, or my husband’s body, in any way,” notes NFP user Jamie Althage. “It respects the natural design of our bodies. It also does not have any harmful side effects like hormonal birth control does.”
For another user, Tracey Stone, the best part of NFP is that she and her husband have learned so much more about how her body works. They appreciate much more now how God has designed their bodies and sex. Additionally, NFP has helped Tracey and her husband grow in nonsexual intimacy (makes me think of the 5 Love Languages we are working on this month!). “We have learned that we can bond and be intimate in ways other than having sex. It has made us strong in our marriage and we have learned so much about communication. We have learned what a gift intimacy is and how lucky we are to have someone to be intimate with and share in that gift.”
While NFP can be used to avoid pregnancy, for many couples who have struggled with infertility it can also be a natural and life-affirming way (ie, not IVF, IUI etc.) to help them conceive. Daria Bailey of Groesbeck Fertility Care Center uses the Creighton model of NFP to diagnose issues and work towards fertility solutions in such couples. “I have noticed that many women and couples who come to use a natural system, want to achieve a pregnancy,” she says. “They have tried for long periods of time to get pregnant with no luck. They find using a natural system really allows them to identify their actual fertile period and helps them know when to have intercourse. Sometimes it’s as simple as knowing the right day. With a natural system you are working with what your body has got, non invasive procedures or harsh synthetic hormones. Using NFP allows a couple to truly get in touch with their fertility and appreciate the joy of life in many different ways.”
Check out Daria’s webpage, Instagram or Facebook for more info on NFP and infertility help!
Challenges of NFP
The main challenges people have with practicing NFP seem to boil down to three things: sacrifice, communication and trust.
First, as Tracey Stone puts it, “NFP is all about sacrifice, which is a blessing and a challenge!” While contracepting couples can have sex whenever they want to, couples using NFP to avoid conception for the time being must practice periodic abstinence. It is absolutely a sacrifice, and I can tell you that sometimes it SUCKS!
On the hardest days, though, I try to remember that all the saints I have read about actually sought out sacrifice (through fasting from food on certain days, giving up simple pleasures like sitting back in your chair…). Sacrifice, fasting and dying to self are quick paths to holiness.
NFP can also be difficult in that it requires lots of communication between husband and wife… often about sensitive, frustrating or even downright gross topics (cervical mucus, anyone?). But Tracey Stone encourages all husbands to jump in and be “involved and invested” in their wife’s charting, because he is “an equal member of the team.” Jamie Althage writes, “Any weakness in your communication skills, any selfishness, any misconceptions about the nature and purpose of sex in either of you is going to be thrust out into the light. Ultimately that’s good, because then you can work on it, but it’s often a painful process!”
Finally, NFP requires a couple to relinquish some control and trust God with their family planning. “We have to have hope and trust, even during the challenging times… that NFP works and there is a purpose to it!” Jamie writes. God has a plan for your family- and it’s likely different (and way better!) than your own plan.
This periodic self-control “signifies spiritual energy capable of defending love from the perils of selfishness and aggressiveness, and able to advance it towards its full realization.”
‘Familiaris consortio,’ on periods of abstinence in NFP
History and science behind NFP
If you’re a nerd like me, or you just want some proof that NFP is legit… Boston Cross-Check NFP instructor Mikayla Dalton gave me the low-down on the history (going back 120+ years!) and science behind modern NFP methods and the in-depth certification of instructors.
- Early 20th century: research establishes that heart rate and resting body temperature are related to a woman’s cycle
- 1920’s and 30’s: medical researchers in Japan and Austria establish that ovulation occurs about 14 days prior to menstruation. A calendar/calculation approach to family planning was devised (and which were estimated at approximately 91% effective at avoiding pregnancy when used correctly).
- 1940’s and 50’s: other biomarkers like body temperature and cervical fluid are added in to improve method effectiveness. Sympto-thermal methods develop (and continue developing today!).
- 1990’s on (and picking up pace from about 2010 onward): at-home hormonal testing has been investigated and adapted for NFP methods. The people involved in this great endeavor have been physicians, scientists, priests and laypeople. Work continues!
- NFP today: The three main types of NFP are mucus-based (like Creighton), sympto-thermal (involves mucus, basal body temperature, and other observed signs of fertility), and monitor-based (like Marquette). Different methods work better for different couples!
No matter what method you choose, I highly recommend working with a certified instructor. Catholic NFP instructors are highly-trained professionals, who have studied all of the following (thanks again to Mikayla Dalton for all this info): Catholic teaching on human sexuality, marriage and family life, conjugal love, responsible parenthood, proper formation of conscience, history of natural methods of family planning, scientific effectiveness of NFP, male & female reproductive anatomy and physiology, prenatal development, fertility signs (temperature, mucus, cervix changes), protocols for achieving and avoiding pregnancy, protocols for regular cycles/ postpartum/ premenopausal women, contraception/ sterilization/ abortion/ reproductive technologies, and much more. Mikayla was observed by a supervisor in teaching NFP to at least six different couples before she could instruct on her own.
“There are absolutely real and serious challenges and sacrifices with NFP, but if you work with it, it will transform your marriage in an incredible way. I love how NFP gives us a way to honor each other and our dignity as human beings–it really highlights how sex is truly an act of self-gift, and that really elevates it to something beautiful.”
Jamie Althage, Marquette method NFP user
To sum it all up…
I don’t want this post to be sugarcoated. The teaching against contraception can be one of the most difficult teachings of the Church. NFP is certainly countercultural, and is often difficult, frustrating, and scary. Most modern couples do not practice NFP… but, then again, do we really want to be like most modern couples? Marital satisfaction is at a low and divorce at a high right now. If you want to have a different marriage, you have to be a different couple. I highly recommend looking more into NFP as a way to strengthen your marriage, keep you committed to your vows to love fully, freely and fruitfully, and let God into your plans for your family.
PS My friend Stephanie Mora runs an entire blog and podcast about NFP! It’s called “Natural Misconceptions,” and it’s awesome. Also I may or may not be (but definitely am) featured in an interview in the recent episode you can listen to RIGHT HERE. So, yeah, I’m kind of a big deal now (just kidding!).
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