If you have joined us here on the blog before, you have probably heard me use the phrase “The Four F’s” to describe our first four marital vows.  We are called to love our spouse freely, fully, faithfully, and fruitfully.  Today, we discuss that last item.  What does it mean to love our spouses fruitfully?

Children, fertility and NFP

For most people, the word “fruitful” in the context of a marriage makes them think first about biological parenthood.  And rightly so- the papal encyclical Humanae vitae describes children as “the most precious gift of marriage.”  I can attest that my own three children are certainly the most precious gifts of my marriage.  Being a parent has given me a deeper understanding of God’s love for us, His children.  Whether my kids are throwing tantrums or snuggling up on my lap, they present me with ample opportunities every day to grow in gratitude, charity, and virtue.  As these beautiful, crazy little people are its fruits, I know the tree of my marriage must be doing alright.

We were asked right at our weddings if we would love one another fruitfully by accepting children as gifts from God.  As Catholics, we believe that the marital act should not be closed to life, because this violates the fruitfulness of our love.  Your fertility is part of your total gift of self, so contraception makes it impossible to love your spouse both fully and fruitfully.  

The Church’s teaching against contraception can be a tough one to accept for modern couples, but stay with me.  The Church does recognize that the virtues of fruitful love and openness to life must be balanced with the virtue of responsible parenthood. This is where Natural Family Planning (NFP) comes in.  Stay tuned for next month’s post featuring several guest contributors who practice NFP, and in the meantime check out my awesome friend Stephanie Mora’s podcast and blog, Natural Misconceptions, to learn more! (PS… Yours truly will also be interviewed on a coming episode of her podcast, too… #celebrity!)

Other ways to love fruitfully!

Of course, not all marriages produce biological children.  Some married people are past the age of fertility, and some, for whatever reason, carry the heavy cross of infertility.  But these couples are still absolutely able to- and called to- love fruitfully.  The fruits of their marriages may be adoptive children, like our last Spotlight Couple, the Scoccheras; maybe there are foster children or spiritual children for this couple instead.  And all couples are called to develop the Fruits of the Holy Spirit, too.

The Fruits of the Holy Spirit

Just in case it’s been a while since your third grade Sunday School teacher listed the Fruits of the Holy Spirit on the board for you… Here they are: Peace, patience, chastity, charity, kindness, faithfulness, generosity, gentleness, modesty, self-control, joy, and goodness.  

I could write a whole post about each of these twelve awesome Fruits of the Spirit (and maybe one day I will!).  For now, I challenge all my readers to take these to prayer and just meditate on how you could grow in a couple of these fruits in your marriage today.  These Fruits of the Spirit are observable in the lives of all holy people- in fact, in Matthew 7:16, Jesus tells us specifically that we can recognize good and holy people by their fruits.  It should be the same with our marriages- others should recognize that we have strong, holy, Christian marriages by observing the fruits of those marriages.

Whether you have biological, adopted, foster or spiritual children in your family, “the family is the first school of those social virtues which every society needs (Familiaris consortio).”  This means that you are called to witness the Fruits of the Holy Spirit to your spouse and family.  Then, others will see these fruits and want to imitate them, too!  So go out today and be that beautiful tree that makes someone say, “Dang, that fruit looks good!  I want fruit like that!”

References:

Angel, Jackie F., and Bobby Angel. Forever: A Catholic Devotional for Your Marriage. Boston: Pauline Books and Media, 2017.

John Paul II, Pope. Familiaris Consortio. Boston: St. Paul Books and Media, 1982.

Paul VI, Pope.  Humanae Vitae. San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1998.

The Holy Bible, RSV- Catholic Edition. Charlotte, NC: St. Benedict Press, 2009.