Hey there, readers! It’s time for our July Spotlight Couple, and I’m pretty excited about it because this month, we get to meet my personal favorite married couple… My own parents, Patrick and Stasia Rhoads!  Today they celebrate 34 years of happy marriage!  They taught me far more about being a good spouse and dedicating myself to my marital vocation than any amount of reading and research ever could.  They are certainly part of the reason I became interested in this project in the first place, and I can’t wait to introduce them to you.

So, take it away, Mama and Daddy!

1. Tell us your story.

After I (Stasia) graduated from college, I felt like something was missing. My mom suggested I go to to the young adults’ group that was just beginning at our local Catholic church.  I resisted going at first, thinking I wouldn’t fit in.  For his part, Patrick was excited to attend the group. He had been feeling lonely as he had just moved to the area with the Navy after college six months before and didn’t know anyone. We both ended up meeting lifelong friends through the group- and, of course, our future spouses… each other!

We first bonded as friends. We enjoyed playing tennis, seeing movies, dancing, and going to plays and parties together while we were dating. I loved that Patrick was outgoing and fun and was really informed in his Catholic faith.  We talked for hours about all sorts of issues, including our faith.  He helped me better understand the beauty and reason of the Catholic faith and always answered my many questions with patience and grace.  To this day, I appreciate his wisdom on all things faith-related, as well as so many other areas affecting me as a person and our culture. 

After dating for three years, we married and settled in the Mount Vernon area of Virginia. For the first few years of marriage, it seemed as if we were not going to have children. But God works in mysterious ways!  We now have three grown children and three young grandchildren.  

2. What do you two like to do together?

Patrick and I enjoy reading and discussing news and books, gathering with friends and family, and taking long walks together.  Our boys started playing basketball as first graders.  We ended up getting involved in the sport in a big way.  We ended up adopting our sons’ alma mater, UVa, as a team to root for.  

After a career with the Federal government, Patrick has started a new career path with a consulting company.  He has written and published a book, ‘The Gospel Truth,’ and is thinking of ideas for another book.  I travel often to be with my grandchildren, read to my granddaughter every morning and work in a community garden at my church.  

3. What does your domestic church look like?

Raising our family in the Catholic Church included celebrating Mass and Holy Days together, participating in the Sacraments and religious education (R.E.), and volunteering in Church activities, like Youth Group, R.E., hospitality, and Pastoral Council.  One of the most useful and enriching actions was being involved in the Children’s Liturgy of the Word.  We combined to do the preaching and music for small children as part of the Sunday Masses.

4. What was a trial you faced in your marriage? How did you handle it?

We had a few crises early in our marriage.  Our house had been burgled twice in a three month period.  We thought we were destined to be childless.  And we were conflicted where to live after Patrick left the Navy.  In all three cases, we talked about options, kept faith, and kept perspective.  We believed it would all work for the best, and it did. 

Although we spend lots of time talking, we occasionally have had to be mindful that we may not always have been listening to each other with an open mind.  Even after 33 years of marriage, it is still vital to continue to respect each other and to talk about communication issues as they arise.   From the very beginning, Patrick modeled the behavior of how to think more of others and be more selfless in your actions.  It is a good model for a thriving marriage.

5. If you could give one piece of advice to a newly married couple, what would it be?

“Respect one another” is a piece of advice for all couples that is inclusive of so many characteristics and actions that fill a marriage with grace and peace. 

Another important thing to remember is that your home must be a place where your faith is discussed and lived.  Society will push against everything you hold to be true, moral, and good, and it is a strong force, especially when kids reach adolescence.  Active youth groups in high school and Catholic groups in college and beyond add so much to the individual faith experience because they provide social support to young people outside of their parents’ guidance.  That was true in my personal experience and with my own children. 

In a broader sense, we would suggest knowing your values, being able to articulate them, and make them foundations of your marriage.

6. This month, we are praying a novena to Sts. Anne and Joachim, grandparents of Jesus. How has becoming grandparents yourselves in the past few years affected your marriage? What do you like to do with your grandkids?

Becoming grandparents has continued our dream of being able to welcome and nurture new family members as our children become independent adults themselves.  It is a joy to see a child we parented become a loving and faithful parent herself. 

We love to visit our grandchildren and do all sorts of things together – playing with playdough, bouncing on the trampoline, having a tea party in the treehouse, and Facetiming daily to keep in touch.  Since last April, when Covid prevented our in-person visits, I began reading to my four-year old granddaughter each day.  We have read more than 1,000 books!!  I know that our time together is more than just learning sight words and new concepts.  We are developing a bond over literature that will last our whole lives!

Thank you so much for sharing, Mama and Daddy! Thank you for pushing through all those trials, reading to my daughter every day, and most of all for showing me what Holier Matrimony is all about. I love you both so much!

If YOU would like to be featured as a future Spotlight Couple, hit me up! Though my parents are a tough act to follow! PS join me in wishing them a very happy anniversary in the comments below!