*Note that this is a cross-post from CatholicMom.com, where I am a monthly contributor. Head over there to read everything I have written for them, and to discover some other amazing Catholic moms and writers!

Loving In Another Language?

St. Valentine’s Day was this past Tuesday, so I think this is a great opportunity for me to offer some ways we can all show love to our spouses in ways that are most meaningful to them.

Maybe you have heard of the Five Love Languages, which originate in a book by Gary Chapman. These love languages help us understand how we (and others) prefer to give and receive love. The five love languages are Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, and Gifts. On 5LoveLanguages.com, you and your spouse can take a quick quiz to see which love languages you understand best. 

My husband Chris and I have found that learning one another’s love languages and keeping those in mind have really strengthened our marriage. You see, I’m a Words of Affirmation person (I think a lot of writers are!), and he’s more of a Quality Time guy. Before we understood love languages, many of our attempts to express love for one another were somewhat lost in translation. For example, I would put time into writing him a detailed love letter, when he would’ve honestly preferred to just spend that time with me. This is why I highly recommend taking the quiz and talking about love languages with your spouse! 

Once you’ve done that, here are a few quick (and free/ cheap) ways to show your spouse love in his or her favorite love language. (Note: You can also download a printable of the list below here. Thanks, Catholic Mom!)

Words of Affirmation

1. Write a list of the top 10 things you love about your spouse
2. Find a beautiful love poem to include in their valentine card—or write one yourself for bonus points!
3. Sit together and recall the first time you met, your first date, and other milestones. Tell your spouse what initially attracted you to or impressed you about him or her (and don’t forget to tell them how that continues today, too!)

Physical Touch

1. Go for a walk and hold hands
2. Cuddle on the couch for a movie night
3. Give him or her a backrub or foot massage

Quality Time

1. Get competitive and share some laughs as you play a game together, whether that’s a board game, card game, or video game. My husband and I like to challenge each other on the same Sporcle trivia game online.
2. For a calmer Quality Time date, do a jigsaw puzzle together
3. Brew some tea and sit together talking about bigger things than just the quick, daily conversations you usually have. What are your hopes and goals for this upcoming year? What big vacation or project could you start dreaming about together?

Acts of Service

1. Detail your spouse’s cars. Vacuum the inside, get the windows sparkling … scrub all up in the hubcaps with a toothbrush if you want to go above and beyond!
2. Organize some area of your house (garage, a closet) that your spouse uses frequently
3. Cook his or her favorite dinner and dessert

Gifts

1. Homemade or store bought, chocolate covered strawberries are always a winner! 
2. Give your spouse a gift card or just a written IOU for a special experience. This might be a manicure/ spa treatment, or a day touring and tasting at a few local breweries.
3. See my December Catholic Mom post describing how you can pray a novena to a special saint for your spouse, then give them some physical token to represent that saint who is praying for them.

Hope these ideas spark romance for you and your spouse! Enjoy loving and being loved in your favorite love languages.