*Note: This is a cross-post from Catholic Mom.com, where I am a monthly contributor. You can check it out and read many other talented Catholic mama writers’ posts there, too!

You Know I Need Them Right Now

It was a hot August afternoon, and the umbrella on our back patio was not keeping the bright sun out of my eyes. The flies were out in droves, landing bravely on my arms and head. My three young children were playing in the sandpit in the back corner of the yard. As I watched, my three year old threw yet another shovelful of sand straight up into the air, despite many previous warnings. A good deal of it landed on my 18-month-old, who instantly began to wail and run toward me. I was feeling irritable, tired, and overstimulated.

My husband Chris emerged from the house and sat down next to me. He jumped right back into the middle of a conversation we had started hours ago regarding some of our family’s holiday plans. There was drama to sort out, from the cost of different rental options to the inferred feelings of various family members based on recent comments. One thing was for sure: I was not in the right mood to participate in this type of conversation. I was on a crash course to saying uncharitable things about Chris and other family members.           

Before I opened my mouth, though, I took a second to pray. “Lord, by the grace of my marriage, empower me with gentleness, patience, and charity toward my husband … because You know I need them right now.”            

And then … things were a little different. I was able to hold my tongue, check my tone, and rephrase things in nicer terms. I felt stronger against the temptations to gossip and complain. I felt stronger because I was actually stronger after invoking the sacramental graces of my marriage.

What Is Marital Grace?

“Grace” refers to a gift from God of His own help and power. Like all the sacraments, marriage confers particular graces upon the participants. Marital graces are specifically targeted at the struggles of husbands and wives trying to get to heaven along the vocational path of Holy Matrimony (more on that in this throwback post).      

The graces of the sacrament of marriage help spouses uphold their covenant vows to love one another freely, fully, faithfully, and fruitfully; in sickness and in health, for richer for poorer, for better or for worse; until death parts them. Marital grace helps me have patience with my husband when I am feeling frustrated with his behavior. It helps him speak charitably to me even when he is feeling resentful. And the best part is that these are not one-time gifts. We can- and should- beg God to give us more and more of those graces whenever we need them.           

God’s power is inexhaustible. His graces are new every morning.

Wait! We’re Allowed to Do That?

When I first read about the idea of praying for more grace, the first thing I thought was, “Wait! We’re allowed to do that?” I worried this was being greedy somehow. 

But I remembered that, just like us, God loves giving good gifts to His children! I am pretty excited to get my son a new truck for his fourth birthday next month. Imagine how much more excited I would be if my son asked me to help him learn to be more patient, gentle, loving, or honest. I would be overjoyed to hear him request a new lesson every single day.

So I started out tentatively. “God, can you renew the graces of my marriage to help me hold my tongue until I have calmed down a little?” Now, I ask my Heavenly Father confidently for these graces. “By the grace of my marriage, Lord, strengthen me to be my husband’s support system through this difficult season.

The Catholic marriage vows ask a lot of us. In fact, they ask too much for human spouses to accomplish all on their own. But in a sacramental marriage, God also gives His own power—His grace—to supercharge us as we run the race. When we struggle to be holy spouses on our own, we can call on grace, and trust that God will make up the difference!